The ups and downs

It seems like everyday is full of its ups and downs now that I have kids.  Sometimes I yearn for the days that were more constant and more predictable.  They seem like a distant land now where everyone floats on clouds and has perpetual smiles.  But God reminded me today that I was looking back through rose colored glasses and looking at today through the tired eyes of a mama that needs some refreshment.  Queue and enter the 2 day women's conference in a couple of weeks :)

And while I think of my day, its ups and its downs, this is happening:  "Day after day they continue to speak [the skies]; night after night they make him known.  They speak without a sound or word; their voice is never heard, yet their message has gone through the earth, and their words to all the world.  God has made a home in the heavens for the sun.  It bursts forth like a radiant bridegroom after his wedding.  It rejoices like a great athlete eager to run the race.  The sun rises at one end of the heavens and follows its course to the other end."  Psalm 19:1-6  This happen everyday and everyday we should be in awe, letting it permeate everything else.

I catch glimpses of this glory permeating our lives, especially on our journey as parents.  In the mornings, I sometimes cannot wait for the two precious morning hugs from my babies, sleep marks still on their faces, their bed head in full bloom, and their sweet baby morning breath (I wonder when this changes).  We are overjoyed by the simplest things now.  The glee on the boys' face when they find a new insect or other backyard friend.  When Eli brings me a beautiful flower (i.e. weed) from our yard or Ethan acts like a daring superhero and truly believes it.  Sharing a laugh with my husband at the end of a busy day.  Sitting at a coffee shop by myself to just read and write...

This morning's yummy treat at Roots!

Homeschooling and Balance

I started teaching our boys a preschool homeschooling curriculum last fall and I finally feel like I know what I'm doing 50% of the time.  I have an easier time teaching college and grad students.  Two and four year olds are a whole different ballgame.  It takes more physical and mental energy.  Energy that I don't have on some days.  I'm so glad that I can have my morning coffee now that I stopped nursing.  I forgot how good it was and how much I missed that steamy, dark cup of coffee, no sugar, just straight up.

The curriculum I'm using is called Sonlight.  It was one of the few curriculums that I found has a strong faith component as well as a creative academic component.  I'm keeping it simple for the boys since they require a break what it is seems to be like every 15 minutes.  I've had to structure every subject category that we will cover that morning into 15 minute chunks.  I have also realized that boys learn completely different than girls.  I remember being able to sit for long periods of time with a book or an activity, whereas I have to wrangle in my boys' focus and incorporate physical movement into everything.  I have to accept that it will just take longer to teach what I want to teach and I need to be flexible.  At the end of the day, they always surprise me with what they can absorb.  They can certainly memorize those nursery rhymes better that I can.

                       

                                        

Now about balance.  It is something that I've struggled with since the boys were born.  I tend to submerge myself in the task at hand.  After finishing my dissertation, I felt I could dedicate all my time to Eli and then later Ethan.  I wanted to do everything, from baby/mommy classes to taking them to art/science museums and going through the whole baby genius set with classical music playing in the background.  But that wasn't necessarily the best thing for myself or them.  I started to miss my previous lifestyle, the interaction with colleagues, and time I used to dedicate to my research and work in health care.  I was jealous of colleagues who didn't have children and seemed to carry on with their careers.  If you are a stay at home mom, you know that these kinds of thoughts start to sprout resentment and that is the most unhealthy place you can be.  This quickly woke me up.  I feel that God has given me a passion to serve in the area of health care so I'm not giving up on it.   With lots of prayer and support for my husband, I'm again treading that path again, opening myself up to possibilities that will both allow me to be home with my boys and will also stimulate that part of my brain that needs the health care work challenge.  I ask that you join me in prayer for this.  

God has created each of us differently.  We all have different things that make us feel alive, but at the root of them all is a Father that loves us and wants us to live fully alive!

God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing. --C.S. Lewis

A New Year

This is the first time in four and half years that I have not been either pregnant or nursing or both.  My youngest is almost a two year old.  When did that happen?  Needless to say this year feels a bit different.  Like it is the time for renewal and getting back on tract with old goals.  I have made plans for myself, for my family, projects are in line for our house, a trip to El Salvador so that Kenny can finally experience my childhood home, and most importantly, spiritual goals that have been on my mind far too long.  I'm excited and trying to lay it all down at the feet of our Father, taking it one day at a time before I get overwhelmed.  This is a journey I desire to enjoy.
 
Here are some of the few steps we have taken on our journey this year...


Reading!!

The Year Bible on YouVerse

The End of Poverty
Jeffrey D. Sachs

Love Works: Timeless principles for effective leaders
Joel Mangy

Grace-based Parenting
Tim Kimmel

One Thousand Gifts: A dare to live fully right where you are
Ann Voskamp







More dates with hubby...

Enjoying my boys and just being silly...

Their Christmas present this year was a trampoline.  Oh how they have enjoyed this (the adults in the house have enjoyed it as well)!  From good 'ol  jumping, to playing space men and humpty dumpty, to bird watching.  I'd say it's been a great investment.

My Loves

I just could not resist posting pictures of my loves.  It's been a challenge raising two energetic, inquisitive and daring boys, but it has also been a blessing to watch them grow up together, transforming daily and to witness their brotherly bond strengthen.  

Their beautiful smiles and bright eyes...

Becoming partners in crime...

                        

   

Enjoying life together...

Day 1

I love writing, but I have not exercised it in a while (due to 2 toddlers) and it certainly has never found itself onto an internet blog, so this is all new to me.  I'm excited about writing again about life, faith, travel and my interest in the health care world.  I know, health care seems like the odd one out on my list of interest, but God has put a passion in me to serve in that capacity (enough of a passion to get a doctorate in it:))  This is a new year.  I'm praying for new discoveries in our faith journey, renewed passion for the richness that comes from being bold, trusting God and truly living.